Letting Go of Anxiety: Image or Presence?

Anxiety is ongoing fear, apprehension, or worry. It may or may not be about something specific. For example, you may be anxious about an upcoming dental appointment. The anxiety I am addressing here is continual. It is a continual feeling of unease. It may manifest as foot tapping, nail biting, twitches, wringing of hands, can't sit still, or simply a general lack of inner calm. In this short writing I want to address one cause that many of us experience: Image.

An image is an identity a person wishes to project . It is how you want people to see you. It may be who you think you need to be in order to maintain a certain job, a relationship, or even a friendship. The anxiety comes from the ongoing pressure to keep up the image, and the fear that you can't let your guard down. That is, you can't be your true self.

The problem with image is that it requires a lot of effort. For example, if you want people to think you are a good manager, you focus on saying the right things, appearing competent, and justifying your decisions. An image must be built and then constantly defended. This makes you defensive and often unable to hear constructive criticism. Image defense gets in the way of honest conversations and actually erodes trust. People see through images. 

Another example would be seeing yourself as a good parent. If you embrace this image then you must constantly see yourself as "the good parent."  There are no breaks. If anyone challenges your image, if your child misbehaves, then you are defending and justifying and perhaps yelling at your child. 

In order to be a truly good manager or parent, or any other role you take on, you have to let go of the image. Images are illusions and illusions are exhausting to keep up. They are also not real. Stop trying to be good. Rather than practicing an image and suffering the constant anxiety that image projection requires, be present. That is, practice presence. Just BE a good manager. Just BE a good parent. Just BE you. This requires trust in yourself, and if you are open to it, trust in your spiritual source--that which creates and enlivens you. Presence is felt. If you love and trust yourself; if you love and trust the Spirit that animates you, both you and those who are around you can feel it.  This trust, and this feeling begin with acceptance. Accept who you are. Accept who you are being in this moment. If you are angry accept that. If you are joyful accept that. Accept where you are without judging, without defending, excusing, justifying, blaming, or condemning. To accept means to own. Own your feelings, your behaviors, your mistakes, your impact on others. Practice accepting and owning and you will become powerfully present. Image tries to conceal perceived weaknesses. Presence is strength, especially if it is backed by a trust in Spirit, however you define Spirit to be.

Presence brings you respect and often the love of the people around you. Presence causes people to trust you. Presence is you confidently expressing who you are, being authentic, and being clear. With true presence you care about the well-being of others, but you are not concerned with their opinions of you. This is because you are you, and you accept that. You accept your strengths and your limitations.  With acceptance you aren't second guessing yourself, yet you admit mistakes. There is no need to be critical of others. Your efforts are spent building other people up. 

To be or not to be

It is a choice to be you, or to be what you think everyone else expects you to be. It takes courage to be you, but more importantly, it takes self love. This is not the version of love we see in those who are  narcissistic. True self love is not narcissism. True self love is accepting and honoring yourself including your positive and perceived negative aspects. It is not excusing weakness, but recognition you are human and all humans have weaknesses. You can compensate for weaknesses. With courage and self-love, with trust in Spirit within, you can let go of the need to project an image and just be you.